Friday, November 22, 2013

An honest nurse

Since I have a new career specialty, I think it's time to be totally honest. 

To be totally honest...
-Is it really that shocking to find out that the only snacks we carry on the floor are graham crackers and jello? I don't know what people told you, but this isn't Costco on a Saturday. 
-If you're a hot sleeper year-round and your roommate is emaciated and dying, don't be a douche and tell me I can't turn on the heat when they're freezing to death. 
-No, I can't put vodka in your IV. For the millionth time. That joke's not funny. 
-If your blood sugar is high and I tell you it's because you shouldn't have eaten that chocolate donut, go ahead and dare me not to think less of you when you tell me it's okay because I can just give you more insulin. 
-When you're sitting in your room laughing and flirting with a party of male visitors and tell me you're in 10/10 pain, I won't believe you. 
-If you feel like you're going to throw up, just tell me. No one benefits when you beat-around-the-bush and puke on my shoes. 
-It's amazing how awesome you think you look at the beginning of a shift, only to look at yourself when it's over and wonder at what point in the night that part of you died. 
-After working three nights in a row, I never have the faintest idea of where I parked. 
-That moment when you walk onto night shift and tell everyone "good morning."
-Also, when you catch up on your work and tell everyone you're going on lunh...breakf...? Seriously, what do you call that pre-breakfast meal at 3AM? Prekfast? 
-When you're eating solid food, peeing and taking one Percocet a day, don't get all hung up when it took me half an hour to see you to change your lightly soiled dressing. 
-Thanks, but no thanks, for your MRSA-covered chocolate pretzels.
-Sorry you thought you were going to get the best sleep of your life here. This isn't Jamaica and this wasn't your weekend getaway. 
-I don't know if I should be proud of my subconscious for retaining new knowledge or concerned when I dream all night that I'm still at work. 
-To the sweet old man who told me I was the prettiest nurse in the whole world: you're alright. 

Okay, now be totally honest with me while peaking at some pictures I should have posted two months ago. 


  1. Hehe...loved this.
    -Honestly, ma'am, your baby is not cute, but it's in my job description to say so.
    - You may not be currently using four illegal drugs but your placenta otherwise. Yeah, we do that. Nice try.

  2. you.are.hilarious. I wish you were my nurse. ps. I would never puke on your shoes.


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